The Adventures of Naruto and Baby Vegan Booty
by SwaglessWonder
Summary: A tale of boy destined for greatness in a world of- just read the story...sigh I am not held accountable for any profane things in this story. CRACK FIC with a plot. % & you anonymous guest! How's that for rated G.


Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto but I own your mother's cleavage. Also, this is a parody fanfiction and should be soon as just a parody. If you take this seriously then you should be shot in the dick...and If your a chick then you have to have sex with me...(meh it's aight...not amazing but not bad...)

#Iamnotawriter

Warning: this is a CRACK FIC...for of crack...and ass cheeks. If you hate profane uses of body parts in a humorous and lolzy way then still keep reading because this is for everyone...well could be. You have been warned.

The Adventures Naruto and Baby Vegan Booty

A six year old Naruto could be seen walking down the streets of Konoha as the sun was setting. People glared at him as he passed and he sighed depressingly.

"Look at that bitch ass little kid, I just want to choke him!"

"Stop it Steve! It isn't worth it!"

"No! Fuck that kid! It's his fault that my name isn't anywhere near Japanese!"

Naruto shrunk in fear and ran far from the people's stares until he couldn't be seen anymore. He ran and ran until he bumped into something. It sent him flying back in and landing on his butt. He winced and pain and looked up at whatever had wronged him but found himself staring in confusion at what was in front of him.

Right in front of him was a shiny ass. An ass of great mass. An glorious ass it was! Naruto stared at the ass. His eyes focused on the wonderfully shiny checks in yoga pants before him. It hid in the bushes as if it were afraid of the outside world. Naruto's confused expression soon turned into that of joy! That fine piece of ass had just brought happiness to his face. That fine...fine piece of ass.

"Damn that ass is fine! Believe it!" said the young blonde boy not really understanding what he said only acting on impulse. He jumped in the air with glee. This amazing buttocks had made him swing out of his depressed mood. That wonderful wonderful piece of fine ass booty...bitch.

One thing seemed to make him feel uneasy about the situation. What was an ass doing in the bushes? And why was such a glorious one be in the bushes also? Such a fine piece of ass. Naruto had no idea how this whole experience could even happen but he couldn't argue. That booty was just bodacious, bonafide, congenial, delicious...supercaliextra- I'm just using random adjective now...

Naruto couldn't help but think about how wonderful this fucking ass was. It was as if he...loved it. He imagined his life with the ass...as his best friend in the entire world.

Naruto's imagination

_Him skipping in the flower meadows with the ass just...laying there in the grass as if it were lifeless. Him spinning around in a circle in the flower meadow with the ass in his arms and him laughing in joy. Him playing baseball, throwing the boy only for the ass to be hit in the right cheek by ball. Him placing a bandaid onto the ass and giving it a lovely pat before laughing it while it jiggled. Him and the ass both brushing their teeth. Naruto spitting into his sink while the ass spitting into the toilet. _

_Naruto getting bullied by...bullies and the ass comes flying in with an AK-47 and nunchucks and scares the bullies away who run in fear...later that night they get physically abused by their parents for lying to them about flying asses with nunchucks and AK-47's trying to kill them in the park and later grow up to be devastations and menaces to society with a heart of gold and a fear of bodiless asses. Naruto and ass both fall to the flower bed on the meadow. Naruto laughs and turns to his best friend, saphire blue eyes meeting one brown one. _

_"I hope this day lasts forever!"_

"YEEEAAAH!" Naruto yells overjoyed as he thought about his future life with the ass before him. They were going to be super best friends. The only problem was that it still looked kind of...dead.

Anyway, Naruto couldn't help but notice that it didn't really seem to move. Was it dead or alive? Was this amazing booty even breathing? He felt a little worried but an idea soon struck him. It was the GREATEST IDEA EVER! He picked up a nearby stick and began poking this ass. The cheek jiggled for a second...but that was all it really did. That glorious ass...

'Maybe it was asleep.' Naruto thought as he could visibly see the ass slightly jiggling, each cheek jumping up and down from time to time. Naruto stared blankly at the seen until he remembered something. He had got the SECOND GREATEST IDEA EVER! He was going to SMACK that ass. That glorious...glorious ass. He remember lots of incidences where he would roam the streets of Konoha at night, looking into the houses of children and parents uncomfortably observing their family life and found that smacking of the asses brought life to people through shocking pain...more or less. He also remember reading magazines that he stole from the corner stores of girls that were being smacked on the asses and they seemed to like it. As fast as a six year old mind could come up with it, Naruto knew what he had to do. He was going to smack the shit out of that ass...that glorious, glorious, monstrous, bootylicious, wolf-howling, jiggling ass...glorious.

He gazed at the ass for a few seconds contemplating whether he should attempt to this or not. It was an ass but he wasn't sure if it was a friendly one or not. Konoha didn't get too many asses but when they did, them asses sure did like to shit all over the place. The ass ninjas of the hidden ass village were always like that...ass.

He pulled his hand back as far as he could and positioned his body in the most uncomfortable way that exhibited the strength that he was planning to muster. He glared at the ass as he was ready to smack that ass with all of his might. He was going to smack that all on the floor.

"I'm goinna' smack this fine booteh!"

SMACK!

Naruto sent as much force as he could into that smack and he could damn near say that he graduated from child into man after that point...well 6 years old to 7...thats a man in some places. The smacks power was a power smack. All smacks shivered at the sheer power of this smack. It was a smack of the gods as one would deem. A smack that would rival that of Rick James but not as powerful as a smack from Bernie Mac but dulled in the power of anything Chuck Norris could lay out. Indeed, it was one hell of a smack to the ass...that glorious glorious ass...GLLLLOOOOOORRRRRIOOOOUS. Okay I'm done.

It jiggled one time...two times...three...wait...four times...five time...maybe si- no wait wait wait...five and a half! Soon the ass began to glow and Naruto took at step back at this.

"Looks like this is my ass!" Naruto spat looking at the camera grinning with a laugh track playing in the background. The bushes began to rustle and the booty began to rumble and a bright flash of light filled the area. Along with the light came the sounds of the most beautiful and eloquent music that Naruto's ears have ever let bestow sound upon them in all his 6 years of life.

**Ass Ass Ass Ass Ass Ass Ass Ass STOP-**

When it deemed, Naruto saw a figure appear from the depths of the ass. the light was now gone and Naruto could now see a short African American man in weird sun glasses, awkward short and the biggest pair of baggy pants that he had ever saw. They looked like parachuts...if they were pants. The man seemed to shuffle about in a weird way as if he were dancing and soon began shuffling away off into the distance all the while shouting out in a singsong voice-

"OOOHHHWWWWOOOOAHHWWOOOOWH!"

Naruto stared on in disbelieve.

'I wonder if that was a fart...' Naruto turned his attention back to the ass as it began floating in the air with a ominous glow of light emulating from it. He stared in pure awe...at that wonderful...GLORIOUS ASS! (HA GOTCHA BITCH!)

**NOW MAKE THAT MUTHA^&%KER HAMMER TIME!**

Soon the ass began to grow body parts out of seemingly no where...or maybe it always had body parts but no one never really cared because they were to busy worrying about the ass. The light vanished and now standing with its back turned to Naruto was a young woman with purple hair. Of course its a chick...yaoi fan girls gtfo.

I am just kidding don't press the back button. You can keep reading just as long as you don't touch my nuts. I mean cashews that I have in this bowl here. They are really tasty and I don;t want anyone trying to touch them. And my genitals...but that's for another time. Anyway, the girl wore slight revealing clothing (especially the buttocks region eh? eh? EH? Heehee this guy knows what I mean)

She was a Caucasian woman with an ass that defied the natural laws of the universe when you refer to the ordinary stereotypes of a white chick. And her cleavage was pretty good too...it was aight I guess...I mean...yeah.

She observed her surrounds and found that she was no longer in her hometown in... she was now somewhere completely different. She was already still quite sleepy and to wake up in freaking bushes sucked. Especially when you had MC Hammer in your ass.

She looked behind when she felt a slight pain resting on one of her cheeks to see a young Naruto staring at her in awe but more specifically the two hams that sat behind her. (HER ASS YOU IDIOT! I'm sorry about that reader, I didn't mean to hurt you...it's just that.l..the truth is that I...I love you reader. I loved you for a long time now. And you know what you do? You toy with my heart, you pick at my emotions. Always saying that you are busy whenever I ask you out on dates! Screw you you whore! I won't let you go. I love you Tiffany Catherine Weistberger and I always will! Wait...was this too soon? Hey wait! Don't you walk out on me you bitch!

Anyways, Naruto looked at the ass of the chick before him.

"Hi new bestfriend, !" He exclaimed. It was almost as if someone was forcing him to say all this beyond his will (lolz_me). The purple haired chick bent down to the boys level and slapped the shit out of him causing him to fall to the ground. She didn't know where the hell she was but sleeping the shit out of a blonde haired blue eyed asian kid always made her feel better or at least a little happy...reason unexplained.

She looked at the boy closely and out of nowhere for no apparent reason what so ever decided something that would change the world forever. This would soon be yet the biggest plot hole in history...or at least decent enough to not really matter...if that makes sense...which it probably doesn't.

'I now know what I must do for no explained reason and no ulterior motives...I MUST TRAIN THIS BLONDE HAIRED BLUE EYED WHISKER MARKED ASIAN KID IN THE WAYS OF...THE BABY VEGAN BOOTY ARTS! OR KNOWN IN JAPANESE AS! **BEBI BEGAN TSUKUYA NO BUKKAKE HARUHI SUZUMIYA NO JUTSU JAPANESE WORDS...SHIT**!' She stated mentally as she placed her hands on her hips striking a herioc pose, her ass jiggling uncontrollably. Soon a voice could be heard behind her possibly coming from her rear end. It sounded like the strange voice of a black guy from a 1970's blaxploitation film.

"Damn sistah Baby Vegan Booty! You sent that sucka flying with yo' jive turkey ass blaming it on the boogie." The ass spoke heavy 70's Ebonics and could not be understood by anyone...other than the purple haired girl known as Baby Vegan Booty.

"Shut up Tyrone!" She stated as she slapped her own ass causing the jive speaking butt to wince and jiggle. Naruto looked up as he watched all of this taking place...the ass that he was going to befriend...could talk and was completely different than he thought. It was okay though if he couldn't understand him, he thought that maybe he could get past that to live a life of friendship with the butt...that nicely shaped...rounded and bouncy butt. He laid down as life seemed to escape him...that was a hard ass slap...ASS.

"From this day on...you will be my student! Now...show me to your place so that I can take it over and put nothing but girl stuff in it and force to leave the toilet seat down because I don't want to fall in even though I could easily look behind myself to see if its up or down. I'm also going to freeload off of you." She stated soundly looking down at the young boy. He still looked tired hurt and lifeless...that was a hard ass slap to the face.

"Damn sistah! I think he be dead! That jive little motherfucker might be dead with his little srawny turkey jive turkey motherfuckin' turkey ass...bitch!"

Naruto barely picked his head up as he was still recovering. He was beginning to hate that so called 'best friend of an ass'.

"Shut your ass up!"

Who are these mysterious strangers and why is there a big plot hole not explaining why they want to teach Naruto? What is this mysterious Baby Vegan Booty Arts? While this technique make Naruto powerful enough to become Hokage. Or is he just 'ASS-KING' for trouble. Will Naruto get all the bitches? Why am I scratching my nuts? I am the cashews, its hard to get the thin skin off of them to eat them. I don;t want to eat them with the skin because the skin always seems to get between my teeth and its hard to get it out of there. I try to use my tongue but it kind of gets worse that way.

Tiffany...if you are reading this, this unnecessarily wacky fanfic is for you and I hope that we get to go out later tonight to enjoy a nice movie. Please? LOVE ME! baby come back...you can blame it all on me!

Review fav...do whatever. This was for the lolz. No asses were harmed in the making of this fic.

~SwaglessWonder


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